my way with words

:)

2011-06-16T22:10:00.001-04:00

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people

2011-03-14T15:59:00.001-04:00

they tend to disappoint. i feel the need to vent. i dont understand why humanity does not have a natural inclination toward looking out for the next person. i mean that is just common sense and common courtesy. you scratch my back, i scratch yours. some people may not have been raised that way. idk, i dont understand but lord grant me the serenity so i can make it through each day and be better than just ok, but to do well and to really thrive in this life you have given me.

honesty box

2011-03-02T09:01:00.002-05:00

for some reason i've been struggling in the last 2 days with my personal feelings about what others think of me. I know that i should not care but i want people to actually like me as a person and there is no way to get around that. while i recognize everyone is not going to like me or appreciate me, i would like to think that most people do. but in this place where cliques abound and one person decides they dont like you, it is easy to have an incredible wave of hate flowing towards you on the regular. And when my birthday just passed and so many people who love and appreciate me reached out, I know I need to focus on the good but sometimes the outliers (the bad) just seems to outweigh the tiny amount of good there is.

I know the Bible says not to covet thy neighbor but there are some things I just cant help but to covet. I want certain things for my life that I see others have and then I think about my lack thereof and imperfections. I just ask for the Lord's forgiveness and the ability to grow into a framework where I am grateful for myself, my life and my surroundings. I know I must learn to just live in the moment and cherish it.

Anotha day, anotha dolla

2011-02-11T09:21:00.001-05:00

I am grateful for life and the ability to live it. I am also grateful for how sore I woke up this morning!! Perhaps I will have another successful week, pay for me! So glad it is the weekend and also glad for recent clarity and understanding of self, desires, goals and wishes. Want to continue to grow and flourish. Feeling like a butterfly

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One day at a time

2011-02-09T11:35:00.001-05:00

That has been the motto for quite some time now. I just have to live for the day and the moment. I want to be the best me I can be so that is all I am focused on right now. This post weekend I met my goal of losing weight. My goal was 2 pounds and I lost 3!!! I was unber excited and this saturday I will be weighing in again. It is exciting and nerve taking all at the same time. Trying not to think about losing weight is one of the hardest things for me because I wanted to be intentional but I know thinking about out causes more stress which impedes the while process. I do want to keep up my exercising and somehow find the vigor and energy to want to cook again. I used too love to cook so I want that back because it is fun and gives me a lot of energy.

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Idk

2011-02-08T09:29:00.001-05:00

Feeling pretty blah today. Not excited about anything and frustrated about a lot. Seems like I just need a vacation. Wanna get away- scream yes! 6 weeks left until my exam is making me excited and anxious. I will be happy to move on too something else and be one step closer too graduation. It is scary to have to try to decide what I really want to do but all things in sure time. I have had some pretty good luck lately winning free parties so I hope that continues. I think having been away from howard for a while I kinda miss it so it will be nice to go back in 2 weeks. Ok, off to work.

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My new phone

2011-01-27T10:53:00.001-05:00

Super excited to have my new phone, just praying that it suuts me well. Im in the first 24 hours now. Will keep you posted!

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16 months a counting

2011-01-13T09:11:00.001-05:00

16 months until graduation from medical school, O how sweet the sound!!!

I feel like I cannot wait to not be a student. While it has many advantages, I just really want to have a life and not be so bound by the constraints of my schedule or my lack of money and ever-increasing debt. I am so grateful for the opportunity to embark on the journey of being a physician and all that it entails (which has been a lot, lol) but I am just ready to get to that point where I am respected in my field and not a measly pion because I have not yet acquired the title. I am currently on the internal medicine rotation rotating at another hospital in the area and have to interact with medical students from local and more prestigious medical schools. it provides an interesting perspective for me. it gives me hope and clarity about my position in the medical field, encouragement that i can do just as well and a better understanding of what life is like outside of the howard doors where so many look like me, we are a family and we support one another through it all.

the girl on my team from another medical school in the area who is also a third year said something to me yesterday that struck me. We both had patients with strange presenting signs and symptoms and traveled on a path of presentations and tests to figure out what they had. My patient had a kidney biopsy and i organized for my team to go and see it where we discovered he had a mixture of kidney pathology that did not include the diagnosis i gave a presentation on last week. i didnt take it personally, i was excited for him because what he has is reversible and that gives me hope for the patient and taught me about several diagnoses. She proceeds to say, "well i guess both of our proposed diagnoses for our patients were wrong, that's probably why i don't yet deserve to have my MD" and in my head all i could say was "speak for yourself." I've been busting my butt trying to get this degree so I feel I am well on my way to deserving it in spite of a theory amongst many theories (that the actual kidney team proposed in the first place) did not pan out. So she can beat herself down all she wants, I am looking toward the finish line, grateful for my path, my timeline and my future and praying that I can figure out what exactly I want to do before September first when the ERAS application submission opens, eek!

To care

2011-01-02T00:22:00.002-05:00

I've developed this tendency to care about the wrong things. I care about what people think of me, and not just people but the wrong people. Caring what they think of me, whether they think of me or not, thinking I can somehow make everyone in the world like me or respect me or really see my value. Unfortunately, I haven't been in many situations where people just flat out don't like me and make it readily known until medical school. Strange honestly, because I thought climbing the professional ladder would mean less drama and more unity and growth. I guess different strokes for different folks. The best thing I can do is just continue to strive for greatness, count my blessings and remain confident in the woman my journey toward being the woman God wants me to be and giving as much of myself to the positive people and things of this world. That's all I can do.

end of the year

2010-12-31T13:57:00.002-05:00

it's been a long time since i posted something so here goes nothing.

i feel excited by the anticipation of a new year yet a little scared of what is to come. Finishing 3rd year, taking more licensing exams and applying for residency, interviewing and then the long wait to find out if and where we've matched. so much to think about but I'm grateful to have been blessed to come this far. There are a few things I intend to reflect on and departments of my life I want to make adjustments in.

1. I want to be sure to be as close to God as I can be with my schedule as a medical student- this means getting up and going to church every Sunday I am off and reading my devotional, journaling and taking time to reflect and thank God for his goodness and mercy every chance I get.

2. Weight loss- sigh, weight has ruled my life since my teenaged years, seems like back then I felt like I was too cute so and men just helped to confirm it based on their responses to my "thickness" hehehe, i feel now like my health is the most important thing and living the best life I can. For that reason I want to be sure to get as much exercise in my schedule and make healthy eating choices including more fruits and veggies (5 a day) and not eating fast food.

3. Living on a budget. In 2010 my budget was more lax than it ever has been, so I want to tighten the reigns, pay off my credit cards and then stop using them in 2011, just say no to my wants and focus on my needs as my time as a student comes to a close.

4. Stop the bickering! boo bear and i have very strong personalities that often clash and we need to learn to focus on being sensitive to one another's needs, being understanding and forgiving and being slow to anger so i intend to do my part to make sure that these goals are implemented

5. countdown to graduation! i intend to continue my monthly countdown to graduation, right now there are 17 months left and i can't wait! I am sure I will miss being a student when I become a working woman but I really would like to chance to live like a normal person my age, get off work and go to happy hour, plan things, cook dinner on a regular basis, take trips at random times of the year, not just when the school schedule permits (or doesn't permit). At the same time I want to continue to do my best and receive the best scores I can so I pray I can remain focused and not become complacent as I run towards the finish line.

6. Seeing my family more- I would like to find more time to visit my family, or encourage them to visit me. As dysfunctional as we are I do miss them and would like to see them more so I want to do that this year.

amazing

2010-11-12T10:12:00.001-05:00

it's so amazing to think of how blessed i am. there are so many things wrong or that i am unhappy with most of the time but right now i can appreciate the good in my life. it seems that i have been so blessed, much more than i deserve. i have a boyfriend who i love, i am pursuing a career in medicine which has been my dream, i have been awarded several scholarships and i do have friends who love me in spite of all of the trials with friendship i have had while in med school. often times i believe i am misunderstood, having a challenging life has made it so i am a little more complex than most others who are in medical school and pursuing the upper echelons of life. i think it makes me a unique and special person and i have a lot to give to my patients, friends and loved ones. it is still easy to get down about the things i dont like in my life but really they are minuscule in comparison to what i do have, so for that i say praise Jesus!

happy birthday Eboni!!! the big 25!

My Review of Double Breasted Short Wool Peacoat

2010-10-18T20:22:00.001-04:00

Originally submitted at Avenue.com

This classic wool plus size peacoat will keep you warm and chic all season long.

From the Avenue Wool Collection. Long sleeves. Button front. Double breasted styling Snap collar. Banded waist detail with center back ruching. Front flap detail hand pockets. Princess seaming. L...

Cute coat

By healthcare provider with style from Washington, DC on 10/18/2010

Sizing: Feels true to size

Length: Feels true to length

Sleeve Length: Feels true to length

Pros: Nice Color, Warm, Comfortable, Flattering, Stylish

Best Uses: Special Occasions, Casual Wear, Wear To Work

Describe Yourself: Classic Dresser

Looks great, fits great!

(legalese)

To God be the glory

2010-09-03T19:04:00.001-04:00

Well God worked out it out once again. My clerkship director reviewed the video and corrected my grade based on what he saw, so now I didn't fail, I passed! Praise God, I don't have to do a re-exam and I feel a little more encouraged about being able to make it through this rotation. I will survive! Thank God.

Maybe

2010-09-01T14:46:00.000-04:00

Maybe med school is not for me. Maybe I am not able to succeed and do well.
Maybe I am truly a failure.
Maybe I am on the wrong path.

The one thing I didn't want to be true came true. I guess it is a humbling experience for me to fail miserably at something and to feel like maybe this career isn't for me or is a bad choice. Idk, I'm just pretty sad by now. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
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Grateful

2010-07-15T14:46:00.000-04:00

Sometimes God doesn't give you what you want but He always gives you what you need. Right now life feels better, feels like the pieces of the puzzle are coming together and He is making a path and a way for me. I have no idea where I'm going and where He wants me to be but I'm happy to enjoy the ride. Uncertainty scares me into a place I don't want to be. But I want to be able to handle that uncertainty each and every time. I want to grow and learn from each experience and bring something positive into the lives of ppl who I interact with each and every day. Sometimes I fear that things I believe I want are not for me and will pass from me. It's happened with friendships in the past and I just pray that isn't what is happening in my relationship. I would like for us to work out but if we don't at least I gave it my best shot.
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Moving day!

2010-06-24T12:23:00.000-04:00

I am excited this day is finally here! I have been waiting for so long, praise God! I've finally moved into my own place. Back to living on my own and for a reasonable price. I pray for grace, mercy and God's covering over my apartment. Everything has gone smoothly so far so I pray that continues as this day of moving progresses. I thank God for Cleo and his help and support because this would be nearly impossible without him, I pray a special blessing over him for his help. I look forward to what this experience of having my own place will bring again!
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when it feels like the world is crashing in on you

2010-06-21T20:26:00.002-04:00

you know they say when it rains it pours. well that's pretty much how i feel right now. they gave away the apartment i wanted and now they are sticking me with apartments that are less adequate. i received a call about my car note not being paid today which is incredibly depressing. i don't want to put unnecessary stress on the people i love when i know times are rough for them so i'm trying to find a way to have enough money to pay it on my own. i feel stressed about school and wanting to know everyday how i did on the exam so i can at least know my next steps. i feel like i really need to hurry up and move because things get so tense being with my significant other for long periods of time. you just want to be happy, you just want that to be a safe place, a refuge- not a relationship that involves fighting, bickering and misunderstandings. my old place only has electricity but maybe i should just stay there a while and pack and clear my head, pray and re-center. they say when you are faced with much there is something big about to happen and i pray they are right, because right now i just don't like where things are going. i want to be happy, excited about moving into my own place, excited about starting 3rd year and being closer to graduation. instead i feel stressed that they will give all of the apartments away by saturday, stressed that i won't be able to pay the rent on my own, stressed that i didn't do well on my exam and won't be able to go on to 3rd year and make it one step closer to graduation. i pray for some relief, a respite from the storm, a way to breathe and feel good and whole again, sure about life and God's direction, sure that in the end things will turn out fine, sure that this is a journey and this is all a part of the ride. i pray for peace and serenity, for God's grace and mercy to pour over me in the midst of the storm- i want to be grateful for anything that comes my way good or bad, praising God for both the open and the closed doors and learning that He is the way and the light and that if I follow Him, he will lead me where His plan says I should be.

Saint Louis, MO!

2010-06-20T23:10:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we came back from a 4 day visit to St Louis! It was a wonderful get away and vacation. I was able to relax and enjoy people and not think so much about life and all of the changes and stress right now. We played taboo, wii, playstation, watched movies, ate at numerous places, went to see the arch and downtown and wash u's medical school. Nice to see what a med school should look like! I am glad that we went. Unfortunately the trip was cut short by 2 days because of this fellowship. I am grateful for a job but I really need to not be stressed right now. I just pray these next few weeks are not too stressful and I can enjoy life and new transitions.

Bitter taste

2010-06-15T15:28:00.000-04:00

I realize I have a bitter taste in my mouth these days, a disdain for certain advantages I see in other people's lives. I didn't have these feelings before, I didn't ever think anything negative, I only thought upon these situations with admiration. I looked on with even a hint of envy. Now I just feel bitterness and spite. It is no one's fault, it is not in anyone's control, but having resources from one's family is something I now see as incredibly invaluable. In moments when I think about doing so many things on my own and really needing help, I have been able to find strength, help and refuge in God. He really has been there for me more than I could ever imagine but I can't help but feel sad for not being born into resources and fortune. I am dealing with the cards I was dealt, I am handling it, standing strong, being propelled by fear, fear that if I don't make it then I can't make a life for myself, for my children I hope to have. I worry so much about how things will come together and ultimately I have become a control freak. Maybe this time in my life is meant to be a time for learning how to trust and depend on God for everything instead of learning how I can control all areas of my life on my own because Lord knows I can't, and unlike most people in my position who are in affluent families ready and willing to help, my family has it's own trials and tribulations to deal with and can't begin to try to tackle mine.
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Jesus is Lord!

2010-06-14T19:20:00.002-04:00

I found a place to live by myself!!! A 1 bedroom place in Hyattsville and I am so excited. To live on my own again at only $16 more than it cost me to live with a roommate. Sure I have to pay all of the utilities on my own but with everything comes a little sacrifice, a little less food here, lol. I am soooo excited. I feel so blessed to have been approved for this place and on such short notice to find something i can call home. We searched all day saturday, some sunday and today and finally found something that said "ahhhh." I am so grateful for another stressor being relieved and being able to move on to other large tasks in my life. Praise God.

faith

2010-06-13T19:36:00.002-04:00

Psalm 37:28
For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;

Matthew 8:26
He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—

Dear Heavenly Father,

I write to you in repentance for my sins of unbelief and faithlessness. I have to reflect on how you have always been there for me. Before I knew who you were and what it meant to be yours. I remember that I was so blessed to be able to go to college and grow and become a woman in Christ. I remember all of the trials I have been through and how you saw me through them, the lessons I learned because of them and where I am now today because of you. It is because of you that I was in college and graduated. It is because of you that I had the opportunities to work to support myself after college, to afford to take the mcat preparation class and pay for medical school applications. It is only by your grace that I healed from the emotional heart aches caused by relationships gone wrong. It is only because of you and your grace and mercy that I am in medical school because I do not deserve to be here, I am not worthy of the opportunities I have been given but I thank you because you have chosen me as a vessel to influence the world through medicine. I thank you because you bestowed a dream upon me and gave me the capacity to get this far. I ask that you forgive me for my sins of thinking I am doing this all alone and that this is my battle to fight. If I say you lead my life then I need to employ that philosophy in my daily living. I thank you because I am in a relationship that is growing and flourishing in the roughest of circumstances. Medical school is a serious challenge to face, I have successfully made it through two years by your grace and mercy and if it is in your will I will make it through 2 more, both cleo and I will make it because we walk by faith not by sight and we allow you to lead our lives. Thank you in advance for the blessings you are going to give, thank you for the ones you have already given and for the ones of today. Amen.

Fear

2010-06-13T06:37:00.000-04:00

I'm not supposed to let fear get the best of me but I can't help it, that exam I took has caused me so much stress and anxiety and I prayed and fasted in Jesus' name. Somehow I just can't seem to shake the anxiety, I can't help but worry how I did, but with a waiting time of 8 weeks I can't help but wonder how I did: did I pass? Did I do well? Heaven forbid, will I have to take it over again? I did so much to prepare but it was so tough and I don't know if I even deserve to celebrate. There is so much riding on this step 1 exam score but I'm not dead, I am blessed in many other areas of my life. I have a boyfriend who loves me and is trying his best to cheer me up, I'm trying to find an apartment and that search is going ok so far. I just know how impt this exam is and I don't see how I'm going to make it through 8 weeks waiting for a score. Lord help me, these feelings are killing me. I want to believe that I passed that exam and that life can move forward, that I am not still entrapped by this exam beast.

Heavenly father, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen
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Blessings

2010-06-11T17:15:00.000-04:00

Today I took an exam that is very important to my career. The exam is known to be challenging and it was for me today. I did the best that I could but for some reason I cannot just shake past it. I feel it looming and having to wait 8 weeks for my score is even scarier. I wanted to feel free and clear, and ready to move on to the next steps I'd planned for the summer (moving, enjoying life and beginning 3rd year). I wish I was more like cleo in some ways able to shake past these things and move on from them no matter how it felt, for me it's just hard, the uncertainty is tough. I pray for grace and mercy to cover me, for things to be ok, and for me to stop worrying about an exam I have taken and can no longer do anything about. I am blessed to have the opportunity to be in med school and to have had the opportunity to successfully complete two years and I have to leave the results of this exam to God, it is in His hands and it is by His grace and mercy that I have come this far. Too many ppl prayed for me and for this exam so I want to keep the faith that it went well and that the pieces of puzzle, the pieces of God's plan for my life come together bit by bit.
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Blessings- 13

2010-06-03T17:27:00.001-04:00

Blessed to know Christ's children-

reading scripture today made me think of the wonderful blessings God gives us through His children. People who know God and want to live in His will truly are beautiful and even tho we all fall short seeing Christian people fight the good fight, turning the other cheek, being forgiving, loving and understanding is truly inspirational. I have acquired so many beautiful friends in Christ that I am inspired to be more and more Christ like with each day that passes. Thank you God for your children for they are the light and the salt of the world. Amen.

Blessings- 12

2010-06-02T08:14:00.001-04:00

Blessed to have a summer job-

These past few days I have had to do some prep work for my summer job and it has been getting on my last nerve since all I want to focus on is board studying. I have to sit back and thank God for the opportunity because it was in His will and where it is in His will there will be a way. I am grateful that I will have money and finally an opportunity to have research on my CV which was truly lacking. God is making the pieces of the puzzle come together what seems like slowly at times, but truly is right on time.

Blessings- Day 11

2010-05-28T19:05:00.001-04:00

Blessed to have a partner who can give pep talks-

Today I feel terrible, I am sick and nothing is agreeing with my stomach, and everything is just irritating me. We are tackling my worst subject and I just feel like I'm struggling. Even still, I want to press on, I want to get over the hurdle and not crumble under the pressure. Everyone keeps saying we must get better than a 240 and be in the 90th percentile and that is exactly what I want but the pressure is going to get to me more than anything if I continue to listen to these people. Boo bear took it upon himself to give me an inspirational speech during my breakdown this evening. It wasn't planned but I just broke down, the stress finally got to me. I am grateful that I have a study partner who cares enough to make sure I am well both physically and mentally.

Two weeks until the exam, Lord keep us and protect us. We want the focus, drive and determination it takes to make it through this final stretch. Amen.

Blessings- Day 10

2010-05-26T21:56:00.001-04:00

Blessed to wake up this morning-

I am so tired that words cannot even begin to describe it. I am so tired of waking up and studying for 14 hours a day just to get up and do it all again the next day. With that in mind, however, I am thanking God for waking me up another day so I can continue this journey. I have to thank Him for the good and the bad for whatever does not kill me only makes me stronger. I think this period of growth and development (both mentally and physically) is challenging my endurance, will, drive and passion but I am answering the challenge with both diligence and faith. We will make it, we will cross the finish line and we will do well. All to tell the story some day when our lives reflect our work and we have careers that peak our interests and enable us to save lives. I have faith and so I keep pressing on toward the finish line, first this one and then the next, one foot in front of the other and one day at a time.

Blessed- Day 9

2010-05-25T16:28:00.001-04:00

Blessed to experience a weight loss break through-

Two years ago I moved to DC to pursue the medical career I'd always dreamed of, never did I think that would mean my body would suffer the consequences. I have gained a significant amount of weight since I have been here, essentially all of the weight I spent so much time and energy losing and keeping off from 06-08. Last week I weighed myself and I lost 3 pounds, finally! I have been making some serious changes and incorporating much more working out into my life just to make sure the changes happen. Being depressed behind weight gain is not fun and being so stressed that your body just wants to hold on to it is just not ok. Here is what they say stress does to your body:

"stress induces the production of free fatty acids, 17-OH-corticosteroids (immunosuppression), lipids, cholesterol, catecholamines; affects water absorption, muscular tonicity, gastrocolic reflex, and mucosal circulation."

sigh, that spells nothing but doom. So to finally weigh myself and see the number go down instead of up is really encouraging and a blessing. May the weight loss continue!

Blessed- Day 8

2010-05-24T12:23:00.001-04:00

Blessed to know forgiveness-

No one is perfect, as hard as it is I realize I am not perfect and sometimes I have to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness of my sins as well as forgiveness of my transgressions toward others. I also like for the opportunity to give forgiveness to others. God is so amazing and He forgives us even when we don't deserve it. I want to be a forgiving person who can see past my personal feelings that they do not deserve forgiveness and ask "what would Jesus do?" Well when it comes to me He is always forgiving and never forsaking, so looking past my own flesh and selfish desires to forgive someone not only shows growth on my part but also enables me to move forward with my life toward happiness and contentment with who I am and the decisions I make.

Blessings- Day 7

2010-05-23T22:06:00.001-04:00

Blessed to know right from wrong-

there are so many people in this world who do not know right from wrong. i am grateful that I know right from wrong and that even when I am wrong i have the conviction that i need to ask for forgiveness from God and then from the person. i firmly believe in righting wrongs and communicating with people when i have done something wrong and i expect the same in return from people. i thank God that i have been blessed with a mind and a heart that burns for justice for myself and for others.

Blessings- Day 6

2010-05-22T14:09:00.000-04:00

Blessed to be in medical school-

Studying 13-14 hours a day for 6 weeks does not sound like fun to anyone I'm sure, but I signed up for this so I plan to stick it out! In less than 2 years both boo bear and I will be doctors and that thought alone propels us forward. We've made it through 2 academic years and one exam (a major one- our first board exam) stands between us being students who have completed 2nd year and 3rd year students who work in the hospital everyday wearing business casual clothes and our short white coats. I've known I wanted to be a doctor since I was 11 so this is indeed a dream come true. The good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly, I plan to stick it out until I get that MD degree! Let the battle continue...

Blessings- Day 5

2010-05-21T14:02:00.001-04:00

Blessed to find growth through pain-

In life we are all bound to be hurt, to be challenged, to be disrespected, to be disregarded. In spite of those trials we must rise above them and re-affirm our own self worth, regain our own self-esteem and really grow from all that this life puts in front of us. The bad things tend to stick with us longer but they end up teaching us the best lessons, not only about others but also about ourselves. We can ascertain our will to survive, our will to rise above, our will to be the bigger person even when that is the hardest thing you can do. Learning how to do that takes not only courage but time and experience, it takes removing personal feelings and focusing on the big picture, the future and allowing that to drive us more than present hurts and disappointments.

Blessings- Day 4

2010-05-20T16:50:00.000-04:00

Blessed to have love-

In truth being in love, real love- not that superficial lust and infatuation stuff, is not all flowers and candy, it is hard work, learning to give, love, be humble, grow, communicate and trust. In spite of it's arduousness I would not trade my love for the world. He and I have been through more than words can express but we continue to hold on to what has blossomed so unexpectedly. We both are strong people with strong wills which is both good and bad. We possess the tenacity to make it through anything together but we tend to butt heads in our personal bull-headed ways. It's great tho, great to have someone to share this journey with, great to have someone to care for me, someone to care for, someone to grow with, someone to have my back through anything, someone I can trust. The more I notice how others see us- with love, envy, hate, disdain or simple admiration- the more I appreciate what God has given us by putting us together. Day by day, we plan to make it through life arm in arm (if he acts right, just kidding!). Love you stanky!

:)

Blessings- Day 3

2010-05-19T18:19:00.003-04:00

Blessed to have friends-

As trying as life can be, I am so blessed to say that I have so many friends who love and care about me. It was funny, the other night boo bear and I were talking about who would be in our wedding party and we couldn't decide who would be my maid of honor because I do maintain so many close relationships with people. Generally speaking, I feel like God has blessed me to have so many great people in my life who stick around, see my value, learn to understand me and want to grow with me. That is so important to me and I think I have made it this far in life because of these relationships that I have made and have been able to keep. It gets very discouraging to look at life on a daily basis and see the things that are not going so well, to focus on the friends you have lost while moving through life. But because I believe all things happen for a reason and that everyone is in your life for a season, I trust God's plan for my life, I trust that He will lead and guide me through every step and that those He removes from my life were at the end of their season and that I can expect for a new crop to sprout from where the old plant was laid to rest. Life keeps moving and I want to keep the friends who are sincerely here for me and care about me and see that I am the same friend to them.

Blessings- Day 2

2010-05-18T18:41:00.001-04:00

Blessed to have family-

I am sincerely blessed to have family. Although sometimes I feel like my family is uncharacteristically dysfunctional in so many ways, I really do appreciate the love and support they have given me throughout the years. Showing me not only what to do but what not to do. The ways in which I have become resourceful are due to what my family did not always have and I am actually very grateful for what I have learned and who I have become. I have a great relationship with my mother, my step mom and dad and my sisters and brother. My extended family has always been extended but I know they love me and they truly care. Whenever I get to go home, which right now looks like it won't be until December I know they are happy to see me and excited to hear about my life. Although I share that through pictures all the time anyway.

;)

grace and mercy

2010-05-17T18:18:00.001-04:00

(Deu 4:31 NASB) "For the LORD your God is a compassionate God; He will not fail you nor destroy you nor forget the covenant with your fathers which He swore to them.

(Psa 52:8 KJV) But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God: I trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever.

(Psa 86:5 KJV) For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.

(Psa 108:4 KJV) For thy mercy is great above the heavens: and thy truth reacheth unto the clouds.

(Psa 145:8-9 NASB) The LORD is gracious and merciful; Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness. {9} The LORD is good to all, And His mercies are over all His works.

(Luke 6:20-35 NASB) And turning His gaze on His disciples, He began to say, "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. {21} "Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. {22} "Blessed are you when men hate you, and ostracize you, and cast insults at you, and spurn your name as evil, for the sake of the Son of Man. {23} "Be glad in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for in the same way their fathers used to treat the prophets. {24} "But woe to you who are rich, for you are receiving your comfort in full. {25} "Woe to you who are well-fed now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep. {26} "Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for in the same way their fathers used to treat the false prophets. {27} "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, {28} bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. {29} "Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. {30} "Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. {31} "And just as you want people to treat you, treat them in the same way. {32} "And if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. {33} "And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. {34} "And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, in order to receive back the same amount. {35} "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.

AMEN.

Blessings- Day 1

2010-05-17T09:36:00.000-04:00

Blessed to call him my Savior-

For many years growing up I did not have a true place for God in my heart. I felt like church and church folk were filled with so much hate and hypocrisy and I didn't want anything to do with that. When I went to college I learned about the true essence of God, who He really is, what He really means and what He really wants and that was a relationship. I agreed to be an active participant in that relationship at that time and since then I have been more able to see him move in my life. Trials and tribulations still come but I am learning how to praise Him for closed and open doors. There are so many things I don't understand, things that I have been through and things I am going through now. In time I gain an understanding for God's purpose and plan for my life and I better appreciate Him, allowing Him to guide my life and move me in the directions that He sees fit. I thank Him for life, for lessons, for joy and I pray for continued renewal with each day I am blessed to live on this earth
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God

2010-04-20T10:26:00.001-04:00

¹⁰God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. ¹¹We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. ¹²We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
~Hebrews 6:10-12

:(

2010-03-23T11:55:00.001-04:00

i feel like this semester has really not gone well for me. everything that can go wrong will go wrong and that is just killing me. I just want to do well in life. I give my all in everything I do and I just keep coming up short. I want to know that I can succeed when I try my hardest and that this whole thing isn't some luck of the draw crap. I feel under the weather and that is just adding to the already down feeling I have.

the bigger person

2010-03-05T15:34:00.001-05:00

it's hard to understand some people but I try my best to give people the benefit of the doubt. It would be nice to feel like I always received that in return but that is just not the reality. Even still, I must remain poised and aimed at being the best person I can be. I want to be great in spite of adversity. I am praying for a lot of large changes in my life and I really want to focus on giving my attention to God and my loved ones and less attention to the non sense that people choose to portray. I respect differences and I think two people can get along in spite of differences in opinion and view points. I also think it is important to not only offer forgiveness but to seek forgiveness. For that reason I speak that into existence right now with my own life. I forgive everyone who has ever hurt me or wronged me intentionally or unintentionally. I forgive you for speaking ill-will into my life, for disappointing me, for lying to me, for abandoning me, for betraying me, for not apologizing to me, for not handling me with care, for taking me for granted and for not meeting my personal expectations. In the same way, I ask for forgiveness from those I have wronged in the same ways- intentionally and unintentionally. While I realize I try my best to be good and fair to people, I am human and there may be times or instances when I have done things that hurt people and I had no idea. For those times I sincerely apologize and hope that i am forgiven. As the Lord teaches forgiveness I want to sow that seed into my own life, of seeking and giving forgiveness, understanding, compassion and integrity in every encounter and relationship I am blessed with. People are only in your life for a time, be it until death do you part or until an argument drives you apart, in light of that, cherish them and how much they mean to you in this very moment when they mean so much.

follow the Lord

2010-03-02T09:30:00.002-05:00

a friend made a statement about who people choose to follow and how that is indicative of their character and the choices they make. i completely agree. I choose to follow the Lord and I want him to guide my decisions and how I behave with others. I think it is so important to know who you follow so you don't get lost in the shuffle making decisions that are not for you, decisions that are for someone else and decisions that do not sit well with your conscience. I just want to be the person who says Lord lead me and guide me in all of my endeavors big and small.

just dont understand

2010-03-01T14:26:00.001-05:00

i guess i'll never understand some people's kids. the way people act, the way they think or the way they want to smile in your face one day and the next day they aren't your friend of can't find a way to squeeze through the fakeness. Ah well, each day is a progression toward a better me. I'm the only person i can control in this life so I'm just going to continue to do me, expect haters and brush them off as best I can.

Happy birthday to me!

2010-02-28T17:52:00.000-05:00

I turned 27 today, woo hoo! It's exciting to be blessed with another year, to feel so loved and supported by people on my special day and to be wiser than the year before. I think people in general tend to be very self serving so when ppl take time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday via call, text, facebook, song, coming to visit or taking me somewhere special, even just joining me for a birthday brunch as many did this afternoon then I know I mean something to them because they have made a true sacrifice for me on my special day. That really warms my heart and encourages me to continue to grow and live, learn and love in spite of adversity. We will always encounter people who aren't exactly on our sides but how we handle those encounters (I choose with dignity and grace) is what truly sets apart in the end.
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Hard as nails

2010-02-28T17:45:00.001-05:00

I have a tendency to be really hard on myself when it comes to a lot of things- I don't consider myself to be a perfectionist but I do like to do things well. I've noticed certain things haunt me if they don't go well, I tend to blame myself for things that happen to me when in reality this life will bring it's share of trials but at the end of the day how I respond to the challenges is what matters most. I'm ever growing so I pray I am able to get over this hump and learn from mistakes quickly but not take on so much blame when things go a little differently than planned or expected
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med school make me dumb?!

2010-02-24T14:54:00.001-05:00

i feel like my brain cells are being fried. i can't remember anything, i make stupid mistakes, if it is not on a check list i will forget it.

sigh! is this what med school has done to me? maybe it is the non sleep lifestyle or the unhealthy amount of hours spent looking in and at books and my laptop. i have no idea what it is but the practical side of me is dying slowly but surely.

yesterday i had to pick up my car from the shop and drop boo bear's off. so i drive his car up there, drop it off and pick up my car. i went to a friend's house to relax and have some wine before the Chrisette Michele concert. Of course as soon as I arrive I realize I left my backpack with everything valuable to me in life in there in boo bear's car at the shop. SIGH! i have to drive all the way back up there to get the back pack and then i have to drive to campus to meet up with the girls and get on with the concert. then we stood up for 4.5 hours total- trying to get into the concert, then waiting for it to start, then opening acts then finally Chrisette. It was very enjoyable but our feets were hurting and we did not even wear heels! So many women wore heels and I just couldn't imagine the pain and torture. Then I stopped by my house and forgot something and had to go back. grrrr. it just seems like all the stupid mistakes of life are happening. Even my typing, my speaking, my thinking have been affected, sometimes I feel like a blubbering idiot. Ah well, I signed up for this, so 2.5 more years to go.

weddings

2010-02-16T13:07:00.001-05:00

i've never been in a wedding. i get invited to weddings but i have never been in one. it's fine but it is something i just realized. i guess none of my closest friends haven't gotten married yet so that is the explanation. i look forward to the day tho. i want to be exposed to the inner workings of a wedding in case i one day have to plan my own. watching bridezillas and shows like it make the wedding seem more stressful than enjoyable. i mean those women are drama queens and receive reward for their crazy ways.

well the other problem is everyone keeps getting married when i cant make it to their wedding! grrr. i want to go but not if i have an 3 exams the following week or if im completely broke and it's going to cost me $550 to get to the wedding and back NOT including the dress im going to have to buy. oh well, i guess you win some you lose some.

snow days

2010-02-08T23:58:00.001-05:00

so it's been snowing here like crazy, three times last week with a blizzard on the weekend and today we had a snow day! yay, no school! but tomorrow we have no school again bc there is another snow storm coming. so today was fun, no school, being in the house studying all day long with field trips to target and spending hours digging me and boo bear's cars out of the snow, but i'm ready to be able to go back to school. i want to be able to get back into my routine and get work done and proceed with classes. enough is enough, we have exams coming up and boards to take in june! we can't handle all this stalling. so snow is beautiful and all but i mean jeez, it's too much all at once and just impractical to live in. all this slush and blocked off streets and slipperiness is just not cool. ok, i rest my case, back to work.

a better friend

2010-01-25T09:06:00.001-05:00

i can be a better friend to someone than they are to me. i can be a better friend to someone than they are to me.

i'm going to repeat that to myself until I really feel it. Right now I just feel like friends I thought I had I no longer have. People don't invite you to stuff or expect you to come and support them when they would not do the same for you. It is pretty unbelievable but it is certainly the case. oh well, i guess it's lonely at the top like my dad says.

keep that faith

2010-01-15T15:59:00.002-05:00

that's what mom's said! so i am keeping the faith! She gave me some money today! God bless her. For someone to give when they are suffering is the ultimate sacrifice so I am truly grateful. I am using it to pay for my Kaplan course to study for the USMLE Step 1 boards in June and to pay my car insurance this month! woo hoo!

In other news I went in to my rental office and they found my check so I do not have to stop payment, praise Jesus!

Still praying through this whole fiasco with the hospital and this bill they want me to pay that I cannot afford. Continue to pray with me!

everything is wrong

2010-01-14T10:21:00.002-05:00

i feel so utterly frustrated right now. apparently my apartment did not receive my rent check in the mail, or they lost it which I think is more likely and now I have to stop payment on the check and pay the stupid fee which I do not have money for. For some reason my financial aid was messed up and i got less money this semester so I am living on crumbs for a budget. i barely have any money for food. in addition to that the hospital wants to bill me for some service because my insurance wont pay for it. they are saying it was billed as routine service and they can't pay for routine services. so now i have to constantly call and harass the doctor's office every morning about resolving the issue. i do not have $1799 to pay out of pocket for some stupid labs i did not even want to get. i just want things to be better. i want less drama, i want things to just be on track and for situations to work out as planned. i'm tired of trials and issues and other stuff always coming up. it would be nice to live a life with no complications but that has never been my life and that just sucks. in addition to that i'm just frustrated with my body and i envy every freakin girl who was blessed with some "i can eat whatever i want and not gain a pound" body. i feel slighted in too many areas. all i want to do is be a medical student and do well, not deal with all of the extraneous crap that no human being should have to go through. pray for me, i dont know how im going to make it.

he made me cry

2010-01-12T09:16:00.001-05:00

in a good way!

lol, he was super sweet and called and sang to me last night which melted my heart, awww. I can say that our communication has gotten a lot better and I think we are both growing into an understanding of one another, appreciating one another, learning to express that appreciation and love and how to handle our differences. I think that is a good sign bc fighting sucks! i just want us to be objective in our views of things and for the past week since we've been dealing with things better I would say we are both happier and more understanding and just getting along better. I just pray it holds strong during exam weeks!

Grateful for the blessings of people and opportunities and learning to let go of past hurts from my current relationship, any past relationships which include the friendships that have soured or the ones people who have hurt me at Howard and beyond. I want to be so full of God's love that those things don't affect me or bring me down but reassure me that bc I am facing adversity that means I am that much closer to God.

mojo!

2010-01-10T11:06:00.002-05:00

getting my mojo back when it comes to school. it is definitely a slow process though. i am sooo ready to move into the hospital part of this journey. Studying umpteen hours really has a way of taking a toll on a person. anywho, yesterday there was a car accident right before my eyes while driving home. the car in front of me side swiped the car in the lane next to us for no apparent reason. apparently they had been driving crazy the entire time according to boo bear who was driving behind me. BOO on crazy drivers. speaking of those crazy drivers, am i the only one who hates when a person pulls out in front of me and drives really slowly? if you are not going to drive at the same speed as traffic then dont pull out of the driveway until it is completely clear. in other news, it is cold here shoot. i will be glad when this season ends. it's like i like the winter most of the time- it can be very pretty but only when you get to stay indoors, having to come out in the cold and do things makes it very over rated. cleaning snow off the car and having to watch out for black ice is no fun! oh well, there are 2 months left in winter, so let's get through this one day at a time.

No! I don't wanna

2010-01-05T07:47:00.001-05:00

At the airport waiting to go back to DC, back to the grind of school, sigh...I am not so excited but I gotta do what I gotta do. On the bright side my break was great, super busy but great. I went to CA and introduced boo bear to a lot of ppl and re-connected with a lot of ppl. Then off to FL to hang out with boo bear and his family. It was really nice and refreshing to be away from school living a normal life not full of stress and the hustle and bustle. Sometimes I wish I chose a different career but as they say it will all pay off in the end. There was drama at the airport of course. Our flight leaves miami at 8:15 this morning and the check in counter was apparently not scheduled to open until 6:25 except they didn't arrive until close to 6:40 and then ppl started cutting the line, sigh. We have a layover in atlanta for like 3 hours which makes no sense whatsoever but I'm living with it. Dreams of my bed tonight keep me pressing forward. Classes begin today at 10:30 but we won't be there for that which is fine bc we'll get on the studying asap. We have a quiz on friday and every friday until the end of february, oh joy! :/ anywho, back to the grind I go whether I like it or not!
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Hope

2010-01-02T15:10:00.000-05:00

One of the things that so many ppl want in life. I can say I have that, hope to move forward, hope to grow, hope to live, hope to love, hope to laugh. I thank God for the ability to continue to have hope for good and wonderful things and ppl to flood my life. I thank god for his grace and mercy and I look forward to a 2010 full of love, happiness, good grades, amazing board scores, opportunities for travel and growth in my relationship as we continue to lay the foundation for a relationship that will last.
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I'm not wrong

2009-12-30T13:00:00.001-05:00

Sometimes it's hard to articulate what you want to say or convey to another person. That person's life experiences may be different from yours which means their outlook may be different from yours. However, I believe that when I say something bothers me or makes me uncomfortable, as a person who cares about me, that person should be prepared to make adjustments to make me more comfortable and make sure I am feeling more comfortable in the situation not argue with me about it or make me feel like I'm wrong for wanting to feel comfortable even if I'm not in my own personal environment. I'm not wrong for expressing how I feel or even for feeling the way I do- we are all different and everyone's feelings should be respected.
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Personal reflection

2009-12-27T19:31:00.000-05:00

I really like the moments when I become introspective. There are many areas in which I need improvement. To name a few, my moodiness, my desire to correct others spoken words and my personal critique of myself. My moodiness is something I believe is hereditary and hormonal and I think I have to make a more concious effort to change some of the things I notice I do or say that are not truly representative of me and the way I truly am. Correcting others stems from me wanting them to be their best but I can see how it would make them think I have a "holier than thou" attitude. Lastly my personal critique of myself. When it comes to my self image I have a tendency to think rather negative. I have always wanted to be small/petite but that was never in my genes. Losing weight is my goal and med school is not helping with that plight, but I am determined to get it done. When it comes to school I want to do my best so that I can treat my patients to the best of my ability. I am grateful that this year has proven more fruitful than last year in terms of grades. I am also grateful for boo bear who believes in me and my ability to succeed and is always there to love and encourage me, even when my mood swings and personal critiques are too much to handle- for that I am grateful to God!
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A vacation to remember

2009-12-24T21:17:00.000-05:00

Today is the first day I've been without boo bear since july when I came to CA to visit fam. He left last night to go to miami with his family for christmas and ill join him there tuesday, I'm uber excited bc I've never been to florida and I'm sure it'll be lots of fun. I planned the week in CA that we had. We began in the bay and then went to fresno and then to LA. I'm sure he's met way more ppl than he ever expected but I think we had a great time. I felt proud and happy to introduce him to my friends and he always handles himself well and knows how to talk to ppl and get to know them well. We had some interesting experiences but I think he definitely won my family over and they are looking forward to seeing him again. Although I miss him I think the time apart is healthy and it warms my heart to hear how excited he is to be at home with his family. So I think we are growing in the right direction. Hearing how other ppl think they are ready for marriage after 1 month and can't keep their hands off one another sometimes makes me question and wonder why we aren't like that but when I think about it we have our own special way of showing our love and our evolution has been unique and special so for that I am grateful! :)
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My Review of Phoebe Silk Ballet Flat by Avenue® (Wide Width)

2009-12-23T22:43:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at Avenue.com

Textured Thai silk and pintuck detailing make these delicate flats luxuriously chic.

Thai silk. Pintuck detailing at vamp. Paisley print lining. Non-slip sole. Imported.
W/7-13.

Cute but uncomfy

By slightly frazzled shopper from Washington, DC on 12/23/2009

Sizing: Feels true to size

Width: Feels true to width

Pros: Stylish

Cons: Uncomfortable, Rubs heel, Too Stiff

Best Uses: Wear To Work, Daily Wear, Travel

Describe Yourself: Comfort Driven

I think these shoes are so cute, I was however disappointed by their stiffness which causes them to rub my heels. However, the value of the shoes makes them worth adjusting, I am bending them to ensure they do not touch my heels over time.

(legalese)

My Review of Perfect Bootcut Pant

2009-12-23T22:35:00.001-05:00

Originally submitted at Avenue.com

A clean silhouette and flattering fit make these pants perfect for every occasion. Dress them up or down depending on your mood.

Modern fit-designed to sit slightly below your natural waist. Single button tab with zip closure. Reinforcement button. Front pockets. Wide waistban...

Very comfortable!

By satisfied shopper from Washington, DC on 12/23/2009

Waist: Feels true to size

Length: Feels too long

Pros: An everyday pant, Great Color, Comfortable

Cons: Wrinkles Easily, Long

Best Uses: Casual Wear, Wear To Work

Describe Yourself: Casual Dresser

The pants fit well in the waist, a little loose in the hip. The button fell off after one wash but I really like them so I will sew it back on. They are very comfortable and stretch out during the course of the wear.

(legalese)

claiming victory!

2009-12-15T17:05:00.002-05:00

I am so relieved, so elated, so in awe of God's goodness. This semester has been trying. It has been trying on my mind, soul, body and relationship. I'm just so grateful to have made it through. I claim victory over the last exams that I've taken and over my personal sanity and the ability of my relationship to withstand all of the trials and tribulations that medical school has brought upon us.

I am really excited because tomorrow we leave tomorrow morning at 6am to begin our wonderful trip and I am looking forward to all the fun we are going to have. we will have a great time exploring both sides of the earth together AND meeting everyone and I think everyone is super excited we are coming. I only get to go back to CA twice a year so I have to make the most of these vacations.

sad day

2009-12-08T15:17:00.002-05:00

i just found out my mom was fired from her job today. Such sad news to receive. She seems to be handling it well, which is great news. I would be devastated in this economy and I'm sure she is. I will just do my best to lift her spirits when I'm home for the holidays and make sure she knows she has support inspite of hard times. They gave her a little severance package so that should sustain her for a while and hopefully she can get the physical therapy she needs and find another job. She loved that job and she'd been there for a while (~5 years) so it is just sad. I am praying that she is mentally ok and stable and that God will work this one out because Lord knows she needs a form of income to support herself.

Ready to go RIGHT NOW!!!

2009-12-07T19:45:00.002-05:00

In the words of Andre 3000, I am so ready to get out of here- out of school, out of my apt, out of DC! I need a change of scenery and something else to do besides stare at medicine all day! I am super excited about this Christmas break- more than any other. Why you may ask? Well first because this semester medical school has been especially grueling. Second and much more interestingly bc boo bear and I are traveling across the country to experience my life in California and then coming back to the East Coast so he can show me his life in Florida. It's going to be my first time even going to Florida so I am super excited about hanging with his family, seeing where he grew up and what FL is all about. I think I'm even more excited about showing him where I've lived all my life, how I grew up and CA in general. He's only been to San Francisco once for a weekend conference so he hasn't really seen CA in all it's shining glory. So I'm going to show him everything. We're going to start in the bay- see Stanford and all the places I've lived, catch up with some friends, see the church I miss so much and see Cirque du Soliel! Then we'll be driving to Central CA- Fresno- to see my dad and stepmom and everyone and that will be fun, he'll get to meet all the relatives he's been hearing so much about for the past year and a half. Then we'll go down to LA where I was born and raised and I'll take him to all the famous places ppl hear about and always want to come to, some of my favorite spots and then some schools I went to and meet more friends and family (mom, sister, etc.). I have no idea what he's planning. Not sure if he isn't planning anything yet or if he is planning things and doesn't want me to know- hmmm. Sneaky sneaky.

We're supposed to be exchanging gifts next Tuesday after our last exam and he thinks he's going to top me, but no such luck!!! I got this MAN!

from a professor

2009-12-02T09:30:00.002-05:00

"if you are doing something and you get the feeling you should not be doing it then you should stop doing it."

wise words from the professor, well actually he is a surgeon who came to lecture today on urinary tract obstruction. i dont think i am doing anything that so i'm safe for now. i just thought it was an interesting thing to have to say. i mean i guess it is a basic concept that many people forget so i guess that is why it is impt.

"it's lonely at the top"

2009-12-01T21:39:00.002-05:00

that's what my dad always says. i could never quite understand what he was talking about. but as i climb the educational ladder i realize how easy it is to separate from friends and family, to lose touch and be so consumed with one's own life that other things start to fade into the distance and even if you don't mean any harm you somehow neglect those who used to mean so much to you, especially when there is a distance between you.

in addition to that, i can see how people grow and change over time. how people have to make choices in life and how its hard to accept that those changes mean their life does not include you, sometimes you just have to accept that God places people in and out of your life at the appropriate time and ultimately he is the one who is in control. so in an effort to remain faithful and trust him with my life always (because he continues to come through when it counts and keep my afloat in medical school where things can get so tough), i am going to believe that if you're no longer here, no longer keeping in touch, no longer relevant, that it was meant to be that way and i accept the changes that have come my way. may God continue to bless you on your own journey.

Wish list

2009-11-25T09:12:00.001-05:00

hmmmm

there are always so many things that i want. this year i think i have most of the big things i need- camera, GPS, laptop, sims 3, lol.

i need practical things like a new pea coat, black leather boots that dont have a heal, scarves, some new pants

i would like a new ipod and an iphone but neither of those is practical right now

that new Nook from barnes and noble is tempting me but i know i dont have enough time to read regular books anymore and i want to give it time to get reviews

money is always nice, that and gift cards, cant go wrong with those!

i can probably add to this with time bc this is spur of the moment

feeling down in so many areas

2009-11-12T14:45:00.002-05:00

for some reason a lot of areas of my life are getting me down these days. one in particular is my weight and i think going to the mall with friends to try on things just makes it worse bc it makes me feel like the problem only gets worse and not better which is definitely no good. i feel like i want to get my weight back down but balancing that with being in medical school is really impossible when you're stressed all the time, breaking out with all kinds of exams all the time and a lot of demands, you eat junk just so you can have something to eat really quick and you're up so late so it's impossible to get the sleep you need for your body to be able to lose the weight like you'd like it to. i'm working on it tho, tryin to stay positive and trust that it'll happen at some point. sooner rather than later please. in addition to that i dont have time to do my hair and i dont have time to make an appt to get my hair done. sad times. i am just praying that it all comes together. lastly, i'd like to be able to go to church more consistently, but it's so hard for anything to be consistent, especially with my church being so far. i feel like people that i took to church with me are going more than i am! what's up with that. hopefully with time i will be able to get all these things together and in order as they once were. why does being in medical school have to mean the other areas of your life go awry?!?

alright

2009-10-19T14:33:00.001-04:00

so now im kinda annoyed. so now this other doctor says i do have PCOS according to the NIH definition and i just have an adrenal gland component and that if i was in England then my sonogram would matter but not here. he explains i need to see a nutritionist and go on a hypocaloric diet of 500 calories per day because my metabolism is slow. wowzers. he also said i have to walk/exercise for 30 consecutive minutes 3 times per week and i have no problem with that bc i want to exercise. i explained to him that i lost weight and then got to med school and it all gained back and he told me if im smart then ill be able to do it. he also said he teaches us in the 3rd year and that we need to have this resolved by then and then he said he teaches at the end of 2nd year, great! so i guess this is some additional motivation for me to get this weight off. not like i haven't wanted to but it's going to be misery not eating anything- how am i supposed to concentrate? Lord make a way!

Diagnosis!

2009-10-14T09:09:00.003-04:00

So I think I've just diagnosed myself with obstructive sleep apnea secondary to obesity. Sitting in a very interesting lecture about it today, the doctor said it is characterized by a BMI > 25 and snoring at night and excessive daytime sleepiness. I have all three! Sucky. The treatments are all pretty invasive except for one- lose weight! All signs point to losing weight so why won't my body comply when I am making the necessary changes. Just gotta eat right, exercise and pray for the best I guess.

Movie Review!

2009-10-12T20:45:00.003-04:00

Good hair

saw it twice this weekend. yup, sure did say twice. once with boo bear and the next time with LBP. it was really good! i think it's a good movie for black people to see to see how impt we consider our hair in our community. not to mention it is hilarious!!! go see this movie

Zombieland

this movie was stupid funny and hilarious. it was funny in a different way from good hair but i enjoyed it. i'm so sick of zombie movies so this one being a play on a zombie movie was refreshing. i think the media is wishing a virus attacks the human race that causes ppl to go mad bc they keep making movies and tv shows about it- stop it! first i am legend and now this one and some tv show is coming out with the same theme and it was on that superman show boo bear watches and i cant think of the name of it right now, supernatural i think? im not too sure.

2009-10-12T18:36:00.001-04:00

I am testing this mobile blogging thing- trying to decide if this is what I wanna do

almost forgot

2009-10-12T17:17:00.002-04:00

#4. Boo bear and I have been working out pretty consistently this past week and it feels really good to be back on a schedule. It's been a long time since I've felt like things are on track. Being in med school is taking a toll on my sanity and balance is hard to come by. So at least I feel like I'm doing something to actively attack this weight problem which has plagued me for so long.

#5. I've been watching a lot of sermons from my local church that is no so local. It usually takes like 35-45 minutes to get out there and even longer to get back bc traffic can be so crucial. So I've been staying connected spiritually using the web and it is working out nicely. Since I've been out of college my spiritual life and exercise regimen have kept me sane and healthy so it is imperative I don't lose sight of those two very important things. Also someone from boo bear's church back home sent us some devotionals and that was really nice because it's been providing the words I need when I really need them.

#6. A new found peace. I expressed some distention over my living situation and my roommate and I've honestly turned over a new leaf in the past week. I've changed my perception. I forgive her and I forgive myself for how I've felt and how I've acted. I pray for healing and her well being as well as mine. I want to be a positive vessel for God to act through and I cannot do that if I am holding grudges or if I am unwilling to forgive. So, it has been important for me to take things in stride and simply live each day as it comes along. I think it has done wonders for how I feel when I am in my own apartment or when I have to interact with her. All in all I say one day at a time and I'm letting bygones be bygones (or however you spell that)

week in review

2009-10-12T11:40:00.001-04:00

this week a lot of interesting things have happened. many of them have been very good so i'm going to share them here

#1. a girl that i met in a summer program in 2004 and i became really good friends and talked all the time about everything even tho we lived in separate states. our friendship blossomed and then in october 2007 we spent her birthday in Vegas and when i returned home she did not seem to want to speak to me. she was not answering my calls and she did not call me. i wrote her an email and we talked back and forth, she was upset about something but i never knew what. 2 years later we still aren't talking until tuesday of this week. her birthday was monday and i thought of her so when i saw her online tuesday i decided to say happy belated birthday even tho i was not so sure she would even respond. but to my surprise she responded saying thank you and apologized for us not talking the past 2 years. it was nice and we caught up for some time. i never had any animosity towards her, i just wanted to make amends and be friends. we have not talked since then but at least the door is now opened. we have lived different and separate lives for so long that i'm sure it'll take time to reconnect on a complete level. she is getting married in May, which is awesome and crazy at the same time. i'd love to go but we'll see what happens.

#2. i went to the doctor for a follow up visit because in college I was diagnosed with PCOS-polycystic ovarian syndrome and told it would be hard to have children and that was pretty devastating. i have not wanted children yet so it's not something I think about all the time but my cycle is irregular and my weight is hard to keep in control so those are the main issues i've experienced. this doctor decided to take a sonogram to actually look at my ovaries and see if they were in fact polycystic. i received the results on thursday and she said my ovaries are NOT polycystic and my uterus is small with no fibroids or endometriosis. woo hoo! i can have kids afterall- when i'm married and ready of course.

#3. REST. this week and weekend i've had some time to sleep and relax a little. i'd been having a twitch in my left eye for 3 days starting thursday and it's because of the built up stress that i've had with this semester so far. things are so intense and we study so many hours without breaks for sanity just so we can make good grades. thankfully i've been able to sleep in and get some work done here and there. so the twitch is gone and we are off of school today for the holiday so the rest continues.

i'm glad it's been a good week. enjoying the little things makes life much happier.

i am not a monster

2009-10-12T11:23:00.001-04:00

recently i've been doing some self reflection. while i realize no one is perfect and that includes me, there are just some things i've never really been able to understand about how people receive me or think of me when they really don't even know me. when i went to college ppl thought i was mean because i did not speak but once they actually talked to me, they realized that was not it at all, i am just a quiet person by nature.

now that i'm in medical school, i think people have tried to paint me as some kind of bad person, monster and they have no idea who i am nor have they taken the opportunity to get to know who i am. that is unfair, but it is life. all i can do is be me and put myself in the position to be able to know people who are willing to get to know me without judging me.

in addition, i have to not allow those judgments to determine how i interact with other people and to just be nice old me all the time to everyone. that way i get to keep my sanity and be friends with those who do not judge.

how to handle offenses

2009-10-04T11:41:00.004-04:00

"God will not allow you to carry the drama of your pain into the prosperity of your purpose"

Wise words from the pastor. I'm sitting in a classroom studying for my exams tomorrow and listening to past sermons since going to church is not an option today. Recently I've been trying to resolve a situation with my roommate and it has not been working. I feel like I've done everything I can with her to make things better, different and cordial. But at this point I realize I have to let it go, forgive and move forward while still in the situation instead of waiting for the day when I'm away from it all. I am seeking peace from it and an understanding of what I am to gain from this situation in my life. It is no coincidence that things have happened the way they have and I am supposed to get something from this- learn something about me and grow. So my personal goal is to find out what that is and how I can get the most from this situation and not harbor bitterness because in the end that only hurts me.

no competition

2009-09-30T14:37:00.001-04:00

i am not sure why but i feel as tho someone is trying to compete with me. i dont want to compete. i want to do me and you do you. i want to live my life and you live yours. i think that people should grow up and become their own person so they can be happy. and not determine their happiness based on where they stand in comparison to the next person. in this world, it is hard to find who you are and be proud of that and you always feel like you have to define yourself based on a rubric or scale. so i (once again) have to be the bigger person and completely ignore it and move forward with my life.

one day at a time, i am determined to make it. to be successful, love me for who i am while growing and clinging to those who love and support me. i appreciate you all.

A woman's touch

2009-09-17T18:07:00.000-04:00

Men really do need us. They are so macho and prideful sometimes. Is it really that hard to make a list? Or to plan something and let other people in on the plan?! I just think it is so impt for everyone to be on the same page when there is an event being planned and a group is needed to make it happen.

I agreed to be the co-host and who knew that meant I'd be doing so much behind the scenes work! I'm not complaining because behind the scenes is my specialty but it is much more enjoyable when you do it because you want to and not because you know it has to be done in order to make the event successful. I am co-hosting this with boo bear and we will not be standing up there looking a mess because the behind the scenes crew didn't step up to the plate! It's not going down on my watch buddy!
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aww shucks

2009-09-16T13:35:00.001-04:00

i can't help but blush. i've been thinking about quitting my job as a class notetaker but in the past few weeks people have been complimenting me on my notes so much that i just cant quit! it's really nice though that people are excited when i post my notes and they feel that they should come and tell me. Thank you Lord for my gifts. When I took a class at my last church I learned that I have gifts in hospitality, administration and encouragement amongst others. So it is encouraging when I do something that doesn't take much effort and see that it benefits so many people. :)

my life, my life, my life, my life

2009-09-11T21:33:00.002-04:00

it's a Friday night and I'm on campus studying for two exams on Monday. While this is the life I chose, the life of a medical school student, it's amazing to think of the things that normal people are doing with their Friday night. Some people have movie night, curl up with their loved one(s), go out to a club, play, opera, ballet or enjoy life in some other capacity. Most people look forward to the weekend because that is the day that they can relax. I cannot say that I have that luxury at this point in my life. Daily I go to school around 8am and then leave somewhere between 12-3am. Then wake up and do it all over again until the exam ends. Now there are some weekends (the ones where we don't have an exam) where I get to take a breather, but for the most part it's the same routine of insanity. I have to remind myself that I signed up for this and this is the career of my choice that I've wanted since age 11. My friend LBP says that I will reap the benefits one day when i'm making "the big bucks" but right now being broke with no life is super hard! just taking it day by day. they say it's supposed to fly by so we'll see...

fantasy isle*

2009-09-02T14:31:00.002-04:00

yesterday he said that he loved me.

i've been fearing the day our situation would reach this point. we had an agreement from the beginning that we'd only be casual "buddies" as musiq puts it. honestly i was content with that. i aint lookin for no man. all i need is an ocassional taste to quench the thirst and i use my gay friends for all that companionship stuff. i mean come on, dont catch feelings dude, be a man, grab yo junk and keep it pimpin. if my records are correct, he's been talking to at least 3 other people since we started dealing with each other 3 months ago. we met at a party and immediately caught each other's eye. he approached me and we just danced for like 2 hours- no talking, just dancing. the chemistry was electric, deadly even. that night was the first time i was with him and since then we meet regularly a few times a week at his place. he's a big time lawyer doin his thang and i think a chick with a bangin body really tantalizes his mind. but as i said before, i've been hurt too many times to want anything serious with anyone, lawyer or not. so we agreed and now he wants to tell me he loves me? what in the world is up with that. i understand that over time you develop feelings for someone you engage in certain activities with but um, i specifically kept the stipulations clear, sex only and generally i'm out by morning. i will admit the lovin is good but that ain't enough to make me fall in love and these days dudes are not trying to put in the work to make it work. for that reason i have no plans for marriage, love, kids and all that mushy stuff. i keep my arrangements in order until something like this happens, so...

i guess i'll call him and tell him it's over...

*completely fictional.

working on me

2009-09-02T11:40:00.002-04:00

everyday is a new day...

somehow i always go back to the original name for my blog. I need to remind myself of that daily and realize every day that I wake up I have another chance to get it right. I am not a perfect person but I can say that I strive to be better, more loving and sincere, more gentle, more compassionate and understanding and just "on point" as they say.

So I'm toasting to me and the everyday grind toward being more Christlike in every way!

Don't You Quit

2009-08-30T11:47:00.001-04:00

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Author Unknown

fantasy isle*

2009-08-26T11:46:00.006-04:00

We’ve been together 5 years today. It’s amazing how much things have changed. I woke up a little earlier than he did and took an opportunity to examine his features. I’m in love with every part of his physical being and soul. He’s not a perfect man by any means, but he’s the perfect man for me- the man I’ve prayed for who came out of nowhere and startled me with his love. When he opened his eyes to catch me staring, he simply uttered “happy anniversary love” and my heart melted the way it did the first time I heard the words "i love you" leave his lips.

I went to work wondering if he had any plans for us that evening. I knew that I wanted to give him the watch he’s been wanting for quite some time and us cuddling together while watching a movie would be perfect. Knowing my man tho, there would be some sort of surprise awaiting me when I arrived home. Last year he cooked dinner and dessert from scratch using his mama’s old southern recipes. So delicious.

At work, my thoughts wandered and it appeared every crevice of my brain was active except the one that was supposed to be focused on my patients. He called during lunch and told me to make sure I got off work on time today. The Cheshire cat within me beamed with excitement.

When I got home and didn’t see his car, I was confused, but when I walked in I noticed a small letter on the entry way table. It read

“meet me at the pier where I first professed my love for you”

I hurried to get changed and realized he bought me a new dress and shoes. I was so excited, so sexy and so eager to get there that I almost got road rage on 4 separate occasions. The price of living in a metropolitan city is taking a toll on my sanity.

I arrived, he wore a suit, looked super clean, smelled nice. He smiled that same chesire cat grin I was guilty of earlier. I walked toward him, he embraced me- so warm and cozy. He told me he’d been planning this day for a really long time. The first time he met me he knew- he knew I was special, different and made just for him. As he continued his speech, several of our friends and family walked over and while I was focused on the surprise of them being there, he got down on one knee. When I turned back around towards him, he’d opened a box from tiffany & co and as I glared at the ring of my dreams, the man of my dreams simply asked “will you marry me” with the most earnest and sincere facial expression I had ever seen in my life.

"Of course I will." I replied. "I love you."

*these posts are figments of my imagination. I've decided to jot down some of the random daydreams I experience that have given me the name dreamyj.

PARE!

2009-08-26T09:03:00.002-04:00

these damn bugs! they keep biting me. i don't know what it is about this summer but these bugs are attacking the crap out of me. one saturday i wore a dress and the next day my feet and ankles were swollen and itchy all over- the bugs bit every spot they could. that week none of my shoes fit well because everything was swollen.

now i realize getting bit by spiders causes a severe allergic reaction in the entire general area, which is no good at all. right now i have a huge swollen, red, warm bite on the back of my thigh (all signs of inflammation from what we've learned) and the bite itself is buried somewhere in that. i think it is a spider bite because it is big and hard which is different from the mosquito bites i usually get. these spider bites also hurt as well as itch so that makes them even harder to deal with. not to mention i cant wear long jean pants.

sigh. stop biting me at once i declare.

hmmm

2009-08-25T00:06:00.003-04:00

so today boo bear was asked to host a show at school and he asked if he would get unlimited drinks if he agreed to host, they said yes and he agreed. so he asked if he would be hosting alone and the person said no we are looking for someone to host with you, a female. at this time he looked at me and said Jade, would you like to host with him? I'm not the super on stage, all eyes on me, attention seeking type of gal so at first i was hesitant but then i was like sure bc i think it is something very out of character for me and i think we've always made a good team so maybe this will be a chance for people to get to know me better while seeing us in a new light and spending their dough on the person being auction. i might chicken out but for now i am amping myself up to do something i wouldn't normally do. sometimes you have to step outside the box and live a little. so i'm diving in head first with this one. wish me luck!

learning to forgive

2009-08-15T17:46:00.003-04:00

the lesson of forgiveness is one that needs to be taught repeatedly. I feel like I am always re-learning the lesson personally but in different contexts every time.

I've had to learn how to forgive my mother, how to forgive ex boyfriends, friends, family and the like. People who never even knew they hurt me or even people I didn't realize hurt me.

I think that is the first step tho. Recognizing the hurt as hurt is so important to beginning the process of healing. Sometimes that part can take the longest because your pride gets in the way of admitting that you were hurt and need to be healed.

Next you have to allow yourself to hurt. A lot of times people do not want to feel the pain, so they just push it deep inside them, whether they think they've forgiven the person or not, but they don't realize they are harboring that hurt and it is only continuing to hurt them.

After you've hurt, you resolve within yourself that that was the past and that is does not have to dictate your future. You pledge to yourself that you will be smarter, more keen, more observant, more cautious and turn the experiene into a learning opportunity. By doing that, you've turned a negative into a positive and developed the skills necessary to make sure that same hurt doesn't happen to you again.

I think they call it wisdom. When you use life's lessons to lead you (and others, if they ask for your advice) in the present and future.

I think I'm being called to learn active forgiveness now. Where you continually endure the hurt but your situation cannot change for quite some time. I've been burying the hurt, pain and anger but now I am acknowledging it. I've done all I can do to make the situation better. For now, I cannot move anywhere else so I must learn to forgive on a daily basis. I have to learn to love those who don't love me and prepare to be challenged daily by the people of this life. That's just the way it is.

Sugery a success

2009-08-12T09:16:00.002-04:00

From what I've heard thus far, my dad's surgery was a success! I praise God for my friends and family who checked in on me and prayed with me through the process. I am also grateful they found the damage before it got too bad to fix.

Times like these remind me how important it is to have people in your life who are lifelong friends, in the struggle with you til the end and there to pray with you when you need them the most. Praise God for that!

Dad's surgery 7:30am PST

2009-08-11T11:17:00.003-04:00

This morning my dad is having triple bypass surgery. I spoke with him this morning and he seems ready to go in and get it done. I am confident God will hold his hand as he endures this process and healing but it's just hard to be so far away from your loved one when they are experiencing something so serious. So I am praying from a distance that God's loving hands would cradle him and keep him as he endures the surgery and that his surgeons would be skilled and full of positive energy as they do God's work.

a complement goes a long way

2009-08-06T14:12:00.001-04:00

today after our class general body meeting a classmate walked over to me and told me "you inspire me...you inspire me to study!" I was like aww thanks. She said everytime she would look over at me I was studying and so focused so now she is going to go study. How nice, having a positive influence on the lives of others is always a good thing. I look forward to becoming a person who can do that everyday! :)

fireworks or explosions

2009-08-05T13:00:00.003-04:00

that's what he said being with me is like. it's not like it's not true. one minute we're super in love and the next minute we're figthing, bickering, arguing. we cool off and it's right back to love again. i am not sure if it's a good sign or healthy or what, but that's what it is. we'll see how it all pans out. i've been on the day by day plan in this relationship for a long time. it's hard to believe i've known him since may of last year and all of the progression our relationship has made into what it is now. we are both very strong minded people with heavy opinions and the habits of taking care of ourselves. i readily admit i hate to be wrong (especially when i know i'm right, lol) so im sure that can be a challenge. i just know i've always had to be in control and do everything myself, so its like he told me the first night we studied together alone

"what i've observed about you is that you have always had to be in control, but you really don't want to have to be"

touche!

that hit the nail on the head and i'd only known him for a week or two by then. i want to depend on a partner, then man in my life to have my back, be there for me and lead but sometimes it's just hard to be that vulnerable and trusting, especially when that is just not what you're used to. so as i said, day by day, we'll see how things go and what the future brings.

now back to the books, that quiz today took a lot out of me!

gay bowel disease

2009-08-03T10:19:00.002-04:00

my advisor told me when she was in medical school her textbook spoke of a disease called gay bowel disease, now known as AIDS. that is so crazy how times have changed. she said she graduated from med school in 1983 (the year I was born) but she wanted it to be known she is not that old, lol.

the first week of 2nd year of med school is over. it's a beast, we've already had 15 hours of lecture to study, so it's a beast! The first exam is said to be the hardest and it is scheduled for August 17. We will see how everything fairs. I am trying to stay on top of it all and still keep my sanity but I dont know how long that will last honestly.

im trying to decide what i am going to do about my living arrangements next year. ive had some struggles with my current roommate situation and im not sure if i want to go back to living alone in a small space as i'd been doing for years before or if it is better for me to save a bit of money per month by finding a roommate. I'm just not sure if I want to live with someone completely random, so we'll see.

At the airport

2009-07-21T14:03:00.001-04:00

A little too early. I was nervous that I may not make it here because I had to get gas, return the rental car, ride the shuttle, stand in line to check in (I really need to start doing that online) and stand in the security line. My flight leaves at 12:25pm and I arrived at the rental car drop off at 9:30 which was a little early but the drop off went smoothly. I had to stand in line in the hot sun waiting for the shuttle to come but then it only took 10 minutes to get to the airport. I did not tip the driver because he didn't even get up to help me with my bag, jerko! By 10am I was beginning my long journey through security. I've traveled enough to know not to wear shoes that are difficult to remove or have too many bags. But with the price of checking bags these days I am going to have to learn how to pack lighter and forsake looking cute so I can avoid the $20-$25 extra fee. The security line was long, "uber" long to be exact. It took 25 minutes to get through that whole process.

Right now I'm sitting next to a woman whose mcdonald's fries smell delectable, but I'm trying to refrain from eating such things so I can get my weight in order again. The stress of school and everything is not going to overtake me and cause weight gain again second year, I cannot have that happen again. Boo bear and I have been working together on losing weight and I think team work will help us reach our goals even faster.

I still have an hour until my flight leaves so I need to find something to do to occupy my time...

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Almost the end

2009-07-20T15:25:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I rented a car and drove to fresno to visit my dad, step mom and sister and we went to red lobster and hung out. Getting there was indeed a trek dealing with a super long line at dollar rent a car (which I do not recommend) and then driving on the freeway at 3 mph for an hour bc a car caught on fire and caused the whole mountain side to catch on fire. I will have to add the photo when I return to DC. Poor boo bear got stuck talking to me along the long ride while he was trying to play his video game. It took me 4 hours instead of the usual 3 (3.5 on a bad day).

Now I'm waiting at my mom's job for us to go to lunch and then I have some errands to run before I leave tomorrow morning. Thanks to Dad I have the rental car until tomorrow, woo hoo!

I'm super excited about getting back to DC tho honestly. I miss my boo bear and just living my own life that I've set up out there. School starts a week from today tho, yikes! I'm not at all ready for that, I need to buy books and just get my mind prepared for a year of grueling memorization and test taking. Pray for me ya'll!

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I'm in LA!

2009-07-14T17:15:00.000-04:00

I arrived this morning after a long set of flights. The first of which was bearable but the second was so long and turbulent, I was praying it would just be over!

I arrived and Ke picked me up along with her mom whose birthday is today and they took me to my mom's job. Looking like a bum and with suitcase in toe I said hi to everyone at her job and then took the car to her apt.

It was pretty exciting since I haven't seen it since she has moved in back in march and it is definitely and upgrade. So now I am chillin waiting for my sister to come visit. Then I have to get my mom from work and hopefully some fun will be had this evening. I'll keep you posted.
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Slumdog Millionaire

2009-07-11T17:52:00.000-04:00

Wow! What a great movie! Riveting and all that jazz. I am not sure what I expected but what I received made me laugh and cry and I really felt like I could empathize with the lives of the characters.

The characters were built really well and I felt like they were my own friends living back in my own personal slum! Lol. Well it wasn't called a slum, moreso a hood. I really felt anger towards those trying to do the underdog wrong and I sprang up with joy when he finally won. Detailing his life with every question was sheer genius.

I can see why it won best picture. I just can't believe how on the late train I was. Two thumbs up!
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I'm happy

2009-07-11T00:58:00.001-04:00

It's crazy how much things can change in a year. I am now officially in a relationship. One that started over a year ago and had a rocky start. He's younger than I am by one year and violates some of my rules but they say rules are meant to be broken so here we are. I don't think I've ever felt this way about someone before. We spend all of our time together and even after only 3 hours apart we miss each other. He's a great guy, he's in my med school class and also has a master's degree beyond his bachelor's. He's funny, charismatic, caring and really eager to be a better him. I'm excited by all of that and for the first time publicly I am saying I am excited about the possibility of us. I am not sure where, how far, how long it's going but I know that today we are happy and we both want to be here and really that is what matters, for tomorrow is not promised...
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Day57 of summer

2009-07-08T10:25:00.002-04:00

Summer is almost over, NOOOOOOOOO! It's the last summer of my life! It's been a good one tho, so I cannot complain. Today I am having lunch with a former classmate who left and decided to go to law school instead of remaining in medical school. I think he is now considering B school. I'm sure at some point he'll settle on something that is goin to make him happy.

This past weekend boo and I went to New York for the 4th of July holiday. It was a great time! I think we grew in our relationship and we had a good time also. That was my first time going. It was a rough ride in and back but buses from DC to NY are cheap and frequent. Next time we won't be taking the bootleg Chinatown bus tho, we'll have to upgrade for the extra $5 each way. Great learning experience and lodging was free because we were staying with one of my friends from undergrad who lives in the city and goes to Columbia Law school.

The week before new york MTP was in town. She is about to become a nun so she is touring the US visiting friends before she goes in and makes the committment on August 29. That is a super big deal. I am proud of her and I think she is amazing for having that kind of dedication and responding to God's call. Way to go Mary!

summer has begun: week 1

2009-05-17T10:41:00.001-04:00

tuesday-

we finished exams today. one written exam on renal and reproductive systems, a lab exam on reproductive anatomy and a third lab exam on the histology of a wide array of systems including respiratory, renal, GI, and reproductive. i feel relieved and renewed. i have just completed my first year of medical school! all i can say is praise Jesus! i never would have imagined a year ago that this is where i would be. i prayed and prayed then for a medical school to give me a chance and for my dreams to come true but i never imagined i would be here. it's amazing how God's plan for your life can supersede anything you ever imagined for yourself and how he always seems to answer your prayers on His time while teaching you life lessons on how to be more Christlike on the way. Today I finished my first year of medical school. What feels like the end of a journey is truly the beginning.

wednesday-

my summer job began today, we had orientation at 9am. i went to bed at 5am. you can only imagine how i felt all day. i am excited about having work for the summer and the job i have was my first choice, so i'm blessed but 9am really? now you knew we were going to go out and party last night. so i made it through, came home and slept and then went to dinner with my girl bp. it was a nice reprieve from everything, a nice way to begin the first day of my summer break. last night the 3rd year medical students threw a bbq for us as a congratulations and everyone got pretty toasted. funny when your friend texts you at 8:30pm asking if you are drunk and your response is "i'm sobering up now." She thought that was hilarious, i guess it was. today was the first day of summer. :)

thursday-

had the day off today but that doesn't mean i rested. i tried to remain the bed as long as possible but people kept calling me! haters! i ran errands returning things i did not like or that did not fit that i bought during my online shopping spree a few weeks prior. it took me several hours to do all of that and i was exhausted by the end but i still had to do laundry. so it was a long night and i have to get up in the morning for more training.

friday-

this morning i arrived at training late. how embarrassing. oh well, i made it, more than i can say for some others. it last like 3 hours and then i went to lunch with boo bear and my girl fs. sad thing is he and i got into a fight and that ruined the walk over to lunch. we're both stressed and everything came across as offensive. we eventually both apologized and had a decent time on lunch together. our schedules are no longer exactly the same so any time we get to spend together is cherished. fighting is not what's up. after leaving campus, fs and i went to the mall in bethesda and while i returned some stuff, she bought up all the stores, lol. we then went to meet up with one of my friends from undergrad who is pre-med and just finished a post bacc at upenn. he was in the area visiting and he asked me if he could stay at my place for the weekend. we hung out on U street and i found a new wine spot. so excited about it, they have flamenco on sunday night so i will definitely be checking that out.

saturday-

today i went to the holocaust museum with my roommate, the exhibit lasted about 3+ hours which i was not expecting and i was completely famished by the time it was over. we then ate at a mom and pop place that had decent burgers and fries. i plan to go back for a shake and some red velvet cake sometime this summer. afterwards i ran errands with bp and another friend who'd come into town (also from college). he just got in to business school at wharton so he is celebrating that while i celebrate the end of first year. drinking was a must! we started with mojitos but i'm not the biggest fan so i stuck to wine. bp and i love a great glass so it was nice way to chill and get a buzz. we spent a lot of time figuring out what we were going to do and then just stayed in. i enjoyed the night, we played some games i've never played and chilled. unfortunately, mr business school got sick and threw up all over the couch. sigh. cleaning it, it got all under my nails. not my favorite part of the night but always willing to help out a friend.

sunday-

worked 8 hours today welcoming the incoming first years. tomorrow they begin a six week program that will better prepare them to matriculate and show the admissions committee that they deserve their spot in medical school. as a 2008 participant of that program i believe i have a lot to give to the program and its participants. let's see how it goes.

it's been a long time...

2009-04-23T03:38:00.002-04:00

my first year of medical school is coming to a close and I remember when I first arrived here on May 18th. I didn't have any idea of the journey I was about to embark on but I've grown, matured and learned so much since then. I remember two years ago when I really wanted to move to DC because I'd wanted to live here for quite some time and all of the job opportunities I had simply weren't cutting. In hind sight of course I know it was because that wasn't my time to come here and God had a better plan for me. He knew that I'd end up here for medical school and it would be the right time for me to live here. Additionally, entering medical school when I was 25 felt like I was late in the game. All of my other friends who were pre-med had already begun their medical school journeys and I, the one who knew I wanted to be a doctor at age 11, was still on the pre-med road. It hurt but it was more humbling than I could ever imagine. I look back on that as a blessing. I was able to grow and learn so much about the world that currently give me so much perspective and wisdom to fight the med school fight. This year has not been easy but just as I fought to get here, I am fighting to stay and every day I am one step closer to May 12, 2012- the date of my eminent graduation!

positive saturday

2008-09-20T18:25:00.001-04:00

i am in the mood to count my blessings. to realize how far i've come in life and really take a second to reflect on who i am. amidst turmoil it is so easy to lose sight of who we are and the larger picture. so here it goes, let's count these blessings:

i am no longer working at that job! woo hoo! praise the Lord for that! If I thought about that once a day I'd never feel sad again, lol. I was so miserable so many days there. I felt unappreciated and I was haunted by the desire to go back to school to pursue my dream. conflict resolution sessions and working late i do not miss! yes!
being in medical school. just having the opportunity to pursue the dream i set out to pursue when i was 11 years old. that is crazy to me. i just have to sit back thank God because He really does mean every promise He makes for our lives. He comes through, maybe not when you think it's time, but when it is the right time, He steps in to move the appropriate hurdles and obstacles.
I live in DC! Ever since college I've wanted to live in DC, now I am here. I honestly don't have enough time to explore it like I'd like, but I am doing it little by little with time. Being in school makes it hard to get out and do every sight seeing thing, but over the course of the 4 years, I am sure I will have my fair share of good times in DC aka chocolate city.
I have amazing friends! The people in my life who I can truly call friends are really always there for me and really do think the best of me. I thank God for putting these people in my life because He speaks so clearly through into the situations I am going through in my life and the worth they say they see in me that I know only God can see.
God is not through with me yet. All of the changes I continue to face let me know that I am not going to stay the same and I will continually move toward being the best person I can be, the person God has destined me to be.

i am sure there are many many more, but that provided enough of a pick me up for me to stop. maybe i will continue the list later in the week. yay positive saturday!

7 whole days

2008-09-17T08:27:00.000-04:00

it's been seven days since my last post. sorry for the delay. let's see what has transpired since i last wrote. this weekend was pretty much a study weekend, nothing special went on. we had an exam on monday and i think it went ok, not fantastic but not as bad as the last one by any means. i think we get them back tomorrow, so wish me luck.

monday i was so happy to be able to just chill and i tried to catch up on the pile of 15 magazines i haven't been able to read since i've been in school for the past 4 months. i got through 6, so i broke the pile down but i couldnt' get through all of them. i also watched a ton of wedding shows, which was funny. seeing how much people spend on their wedding and the couples and stuff is good for giving perspective and helping me realize i am not ready for that stage of life. i'd really like to get married, but i know that won't be happening any time soon. especially since there aren't any real prospects right now.

last thursday night i went to see the tyler perry movie at midnight and i enjoyed it! sanaa lathan was acting her tail off! i'd recommend you go see it.